


My Only Anchor

by AireHaleinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Anchors, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Feels, First Kiss, M/M, One Shot, Pre!Nogitsune, Pre-Slash, So please if someone wants to beta it, Stiles is Derek's Anchor, Stiles suffers for the effects of the Sacrifice, Unbeta'd, You're Welcome, depressed!Stiles, season 3b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3832372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AireHaleinski/pseuds/AireHaleinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles starts to feel the effect of the possession from the Nogitsune, and he feels lonely and scared of himself.<br/>Someone unexpected comforts him.</p><p>"He looked for Stiles in other people, and it took a century to him to figure it out."</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Only Anchor

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> Actually English is not my first language, so if I made any mistake (mostly grammar ones) please tell me and I'll fix them as soon as I can.
> 
> I wrote this story in the middle of 3B, and it was actually for Valentine's, even if it sad af... dunno why, don't ask me...  
> I hope you like it and.. stay tuned =)

Stiles couldn’t believe he almost killed his best friend. 

He didn’t understand - let alone remember - how everything fell apart during the quietest pack meeting ever at Allison’s, that morning.  
He wasn’t fully himself since the sacrifice to the Nemeton, so his actions were justified for the most part, even if he basically tried to kill Scott, his brother.

‘It’s not your fault’ his father repeated out of the ICU room, where Scott was struggling not to leave his pack, his mother, his father and Kira but Stiles didn’t believe him.

It was his fault. 

He used to have nightmares at night, and when he managed to sleep, he suffered from sleepwalking.

Blame the sacrifice, the darkness which swallowed his porcelain soul, breaking it in pieces.

He thought he was stronger than that. 

He wasn’t.

None of his friends understood that they have to get rid of him to save Beacon Hills.  
It was so simple.

He didn’t want to die, but maybe it’s the only way to avoid going crazy.

 

"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life moping next to the bed?".

Derek Hale's voice echoes in the room, making Stiles’ sobs louder.  
Why was Derek there with him? He should stand next to Scott, watching over the true Alpha.

"What the hell are you doing here? You want to see how much the annoying kid suffers because of your stupid supernatural world? There you go, Derek. Anyway, go to Scott, it makes no sense to stay here. "

Derek doesn’t answer, but he decides to get closer to Stiles.  
The first thing he notices are Stiles’ wet cheeks, that hit him like a stab in the chest.

"Scott is slowly healing ... I came here to tell you. Well, it’s obvious you don’t want any company, it’s better for me to leave".

Derek stands up, slowly moving toward Stiles instead, because he feels that Stiles doesn’t really want to be alone.  
Stiles sobs again, before speaking out all his fears for the first time.

He knows that Derek wouldn’t bat an eye, whatever he tells him.  
He would listen, without judging, because Derek Hale’s heart became too arid for judgment or compassion.

"I'm scared Derek. You know, I nearly killed Scott! What if my father is the next? Or Lydia, or Allison? Or Isaac? Or… you? I can’t control myself, I have these memory lapses, and when I return to my senses I find myself with blood all over my hands! Derek, I’m dangerous. Stay away from me as much as you can!".

Derek thinks about going away, leaving him to cry, to mourn the consequences of his madness, but it’s impossible for him to move because there is that little consideration that it’s destroying him slowly.

If roles were reversed, Stiles ’d support him, maybe risking death. He’d stay next to a person who technically hates, because he doesn’t want to see him alone and suffering.

Stiles’ heart is good: Derek realizes he considers Stiles a smart, intuitive, brilliant guy and a hero.  
He’s no longer just an hyperactive spaz full of sarcasm.

Stiles is just a teenager who doesn’t want to live in the same dark world Derek knows too well.

So that’s why Derek sits next to an astonished Stiles.

"You're a masochist, Derek... what a courage, getting closer to a possessed boy. I warned you. If I lose my mind and maybe cut your throat, don’t involve your insurance. You’re the one who wants to stay here. "

"Sarcasm came back."

"No, it’s just that you annoy me so much that -".

"You became the petulant old Stiles again just with me staying here with you. That’s a good thing, isn’t it? "

Derek chuckles, turning slightly to Stiles, showing him a look that actually can only be described as "sweet". A rarity for Derek’s standards.  
A question comes into Stiles’ mind, the same one a girl – Caitlin - asked him during a party some days before.

“I thought you like girls” 

"I do like girls, do you? “.

"Absolutely. So you also like boys? ".

"Absolutely. Do you?".

Stiles didn’t answer because insecurity swept in him like a wave.  
He is actually attracted to boys, without admitting it to anyone but concealing the topic under some joke.

Now, with having the most famous sourwolf in Beacon Hills sitting next to him without blinking, showing his sympathy, Stiles feels something in his soul.  
A slight sliver of light in the shadow.

"You’re not afraid of me, how is it possible? Derek, I'm a monster, you should fight against people like me. Once you wouldn’t hesitate to kill a threat. I don’t see why should be any different now. "

Derek stands on his knees in front of Stiles, trying to reassure him.

"This isn’t you, Stiles. I'm not afraid of you, because I know that the real Stiles, who is still somewhere inside you, isn’t a murderer. And then, have you looked at me? Technically I'm a monster too. "

Derek's words ease much of Stiles’ guilt.

"You're not a monster, Derek, not with that face."

"Sorry?"

Derek looks at him in amazement. He has spoken without thinking, then it means the old Stiles is surfacing from the depths of the dark mist caused by the Oni.

"No, no ... forget it ... I blabbed as usual"

"Thank goodness ... it means the freaking “pain – in - the – ass” Stiles is back ... you're the most famous guy in Beacon Hills who speaks without thinking."

Stiles chuckles, despite the fact that Derek called him "pain in the ass." He laughs, something he haven’t done for God knows how many days.

Derek’s hand reaches out, touching Stiles’ chest slowly, which warms to the touch.

“What are you doing? Put down your ugly paws ... ".

"Shut up and listen to me ... take a deep breath. Do you feel the beats of your heart?  
They are neither faster nor slower than a few days, months or years ago. You know what does it mean? It means that you, the real Stiles, you've never changed, even after absurd sacrifices or possessions.  
You are still there Stiles, the only problem is that you feel lost and you need someone to help you not to drown. Someone who always gives you an helping hand, to help you stay afloat, like you did with me, when we faced the Kanima. "  
Derek takes a little break to prevent a strange blush to spread on his cheeks, before going on. Stiles looks at him with wide eyes, as if he’s seeing him for the first time ever.

"You have to use your own anchor, Stiles. That person who –“.

"Yes, I know exactly what the anchor is. Yours is anger and not a person, as Isaac says. "

Stiles interrupts Derek rudely, before realizing what that means. He stopped Derek Hale, a person who rarely talks, for the sake of mocking him: the thought of what he just told him makes Stiles to almost throw up by remorse.  
The boy closes his eyes as the tears continues to fall and Derek's hand still resting on his heart.

"Well, then use your anchor to get out of this situation ..." Derek says coldly, raising his hand and getting up.

"No, no, hey Derek please just stay. I'm an ass sometimes, you know, I didn’t want to interrupt you… "the boy wipes the tears, trying to swallow that terrible lump in his throat.  
He was almost kicking out of his house the only person who wanted to stay.

"I-I don’t know who my anchor is..." Stiles confesses to Derek who comes back to sit next to him.

"Your anchor is that person who, no matter how much you struggle, will always try to bring you back. Someone who has a strong connection with you, a sort of emotional tether. Is there someone who matches these characteristics? ".

Derek attempts to mask the red of his cheek for the second time in minutes.  
He realizes that he described exactly the person in front of him, and it shakes him strongly.  
This meant that Stiles ...

Stiles is his anchor?

"My anchor is Lydia. Deaton assigned her to me when we had to sacrifice to save our parents. "

"Assigned? You didn’t choose her? The anchor can’t be assigned, not by humans, at least. It must be fate to give you the anchor, or maybe you choose it. Well, then you have to look for Lydia, she’s the one who can help you .... "

A slight ache expands in Derek’s chest: for a moment, for some brief and glorious seconds, he thought he was Stiles’ anchor. But then the revelation of Lydia wakes him up from his reveries.

"But I've told you I don’t know who my real anchor is, because actually, Lydia never brought me back. She did it just during the sacrifice, but she ... she wanted to go with Allison. Lydia is Allison’s real anchor actually, not mine. "

"Try to think of all the people you know. The one who in the dark moments like this, turns on the light in your heart ... well, that it's the right person. "  
Stiles nods, taking a small breath and listening to his heart.  
The thought of Scott makes him cry: the boy was lying in a hospital bed because of him. He couldn’t be Stiles’ anchor, if anything, his weakness.

Just as his father, who was afraid of him and of what he was turning into.

Or Isaac, who tended to make fun of and avoid him, since he made the sacrifice, as if he had plague.  
The boy thinks back about Lydia: if he was in these conditions it was also the banshee’s fault.

She was supposed to try to comfort him, not Derek.

A light goes on in the boy's chest, which looks in the beta’s direction, staring at the drops of emerald that are his eyes.

Green, green as hope, that, if necessary become blue, symbol of calm.

Hope and calm, or rather, in a word ...

Anchor?

"Why are you helping me so much, Derek? Why are you here and not close to Scott, who could die at any moment, because of me, by the way? ".

Stiles’ words crossed through Derek, wounding him like pins.  
He just has to tell the truth, there is no other possibility.

"Because you have done the same with me, too many times. You've been close to me when there was no one. You have gone along with my absurd request to amputate my arm without blinking, you have denied yourself a game as a starter with your team to help me understand who the alpha was, you were the only one trying to comfort me when Boyd died . I feel I have to give you all the sympathy back, even just with being silent in this room.  
I'm not afraid of you Stiles, even if you become a murderer demon, because I know that the heart beating is yours, the brain thinking is yours and it’s yours the soul that suffers.... "

Derek’s words struck both as a tornado; it’s like someone slap their faces at the same time. The two of them stare at each other with a new light in the eyes, or rather with a feeling that they have almost forgotten.

Their arid and suffering hearts were slowly healing, through that stolen confession.

Stiles looks down, slightly raising the corners of the mouth.

"And I thought I hated you ... oh, yes, I’ve wanted to see you dead, but in the same time I was saving your life. Actually the first few times we met, I hated you ... for real. "

"You don’t hate or hated me, Stiles. I know... ".

Derek remembers as a flashback the same words spoken by the only girl he ever loved, Paige, who died too soon.

She didn’t hate him, she had always loved him.

Maybe Stiles ...?

"The same happened with Paige , right? You hated her at first, and then .... "

Derek doesn’t realize he comes closer to Stiles’ face. So close that now it’s about a few tens of centimeters between them.

The surprise to know that Stiles was also aware of that story, shakes him for the umpteenth time that evening.

"How do you know her?" He mutters.

"Peter told me and Cora about her. We wanted to talk to you after what happened with Boyd, but you were gone and we were worried. Paige seemed really important to you and I'm sorry for what happened. Anyway I don’t believe Peter’s version, because I think he wasn’t the right advisor for you. Maybe it wasn’t necessary to turn Paige. You could be with her anyway ... probably it would have been more difficult. But.. you knew, you risked a lot with the bite. You risked her life. I didn’t talk with anyone about this, just to reassure you. "

Stiles nods to his own words, without realizing that Derek comes closer.

Both of them feel something very strange, something that increases the heart rate, that decreases salivation and make the stomach to vibe.

"You're too close…" Stiles murmurs who, for some unbelievable reasons, finds himself mesmerized by Derek’s lips.

"You, too, for that matter ..." Derek's voice is reduced to little more than a whisper.

"But you are the one who came closer" Stiles tries to say, noticing how Derek is staring back at his lips.

Stiles decides to lean towards the wolf, both very hesitant.

"What are we doing? Why are we doing this? "Derek asks, knowing the answer.

"Because you’re my anchor Derek" Stiles says softly just those words, a few syllables that have the same effect of the explosion of a bomb.

Stiles comes even closer now, with just inches far from Derek’s lips. Derek’s stubble is going to leave him stubble burn on his face, but he doesn’t care at all.

Their lips finally touch once, twice, ten times, with an hesitant and slow pace. 

Their faces wedge in perfectly against each other, as if they are designed on purpose.

Stiles is the first to take the initiative, now kissing Derek seriously, tying his lips to Derek’s ones.

Stiles kisses Derek, feeling the touch of the lips on his entire body, a light one but able to provoke expanded shocks of adrenaline, starting from the heart pounding in his chest.

Stiles kisses Derek to thank him for being the only one not scared of him.

Derek doesn’t respond at first, remaining still to taste all the sensations that Stiles lips give him.

He was attracted to women, he had never thought about Stiles in that way, he had never carded his fingers through his hair, fisting with passion.

But Stiles is different: the boy deserves all the attention, deserves Derek's hand stroking his face, after spending an infernal day.

Derek thinks about Matt’s words, when he was paralyzed with Stiles on top of him, telling him that "You two make a pretty good pair" and thinks about Jennifer and her hyperactive and chatty behavior, so similar to Stiles’ one.

He looked for Stiles in other people, and it took a century to him to figure it out.  
This is the moment in which Derek kisses Stiles back, willingly pushing against his body, nibbling his lips, mixing their saliva and feeling his stomach purring.

The two move to be in each others arms, the bodies creating a stronger contact.  
Their eyes are closed, allowing the two of them to live in the moment fully, to live one in the soul of the other.

They doesn’t realized the door is open, revealing the Sheriff and Melissa who have the intent to bring Stiles a carton with a delicious pizza inside.

The two adults, amazed but not too surprised, lay the pizza and the soft drinks on the desk.

Stiles knows that Derek is the only possible anchor, because he has turned a horrible day in one to mark on the calendar, simply with his closeness, powerful and important.

 


End file.
